People Don't Like Messy

It took just nine hours yesterday to hear "people don't like messy" at least six times.  Seriously, not a variation of the phrase or something that implied the meaning, but the actual expression.  I heard it, unfortunately, in direct conversation and then in two very different movies I watched. It is an accurate statement, but six times on April 4, 2020?  We can't get any messier than we are right now, during a pandemic, and we definitely don't like it.

Let's start with the movies.  The first was "Troop Zero" about Christmas, an aptly named misfit in small town 1970's Georgia who sets out to round up the town's outcasts. They will compete in a talent show as Birdie Scouts to be included on the “golden record” to be sent into space aboard Voyager 1. The group competes against the town mean girls and the unsympathetic adults running the show.  They define messy.  They know they are messy and at their tender young ages, they know people don't like messy.  Why?  Anyone of us can belong in Troop Zero.  It's a lot of imperfection, but they help each other overcome their flaws while promoting their strengths.  All while forging lifelong friendships.  Watch it.  It's a feel good flick that is welcome right now and entertaining.  We are reminded that the most obviously messy isn't necessarily the deepest messy. Christmas turns out to be the gift of messy triumphing. It happens.

Then we went darker with "All the Bright Places."  This one opens with a teenage girl standing on the ledge of a bridge.  She is "saved" by a teenage boy out for an early run.  We quickly learn both characters are very troubled and aware "people don't like messy."  These two pass a rock back and forth to each other to designate "your turn" as it is written on the rock.  Your turn to work out the messy is implied with the plot as they work to save each other.  The supporting characters don't help either teen with their messy, not for lack of caring, but because they are just as messy.  Just as messy as the rest of us trying to make our own "your turn" rock work on any given day, much less during a pandemic.  Watch this one if you need a little help with surviving or coping, or just need a simple reminder to cut yourself some slack as you take your turn.

So, how does one cope with "people don't like messy" when one is an overthinking perfectionist (OP)?  I learned yesterday, not well.  When one finds his / her self  on the brink of potential exposure of the messy in that life - how best to cope?   Diversion?  Prepare for that exposure by acceptance and coping?  Absolute denial?  Evidently not.  The OP in question chose to self -expose in an enormously upfront, harsh manner with the hope that by answering all questions before they are even asked - you are not messy.  But, you know what?  You are messy and so is every one else.  Most likely the person evaluating you - they have their own messy.  I am a person with a healthy respect for honest self-awareness / management but I cringe when that management becomes self-destructive.  Sometimes people can see the hero in the messy.  Find those people.  You don't have to carry the "your turn" rock all the time - have confidence in yourself to let it go.  Let someone else carry it for a while.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Be kind to yourself.

Think about why people don't like messy.  We've all been there.  We all know how hard messy is.  We all know lessons we've learned through messy periods are the lessons most likely to stick.  Friends gained while we're messy are the friends likely to be with us through thick and thin.  Be kind to yourself and embrace your messy without reliving it forever.  Let go of the "your turn" rock.