I oftentimes use this blog as a parking lot for ideas - titles serve as writing prompts saved for another time. Drafts of fully constructed thoughts sit for months or years until the time is right to pull them together for a complete blog entry. Judging from the number of drafts, I have a difficult time finding the time and writing energy to get the final product on the blog. Huge shortcoming, I know I must work on it. This was the case with this title and entry.
This topic was weighing heavily on me back in January as National Hugging Day approached on January 21. I have a friend who would rather hug than say hello and she was so excited to have the legitimate platform by which to sneak a hug into her greeting to me that day. I wrote a little bit about the pending occasion and then let it sit. Throughout the pandemic period, I look at the title and just laugh. Hugging as a greeting remains as one of my banes of existence, but just 3 months later I would write the piece from a slightly different angle. Here, we explore my feelings on hugging, and how time changes or magnifies your feelings.
January 2020
What if I am wrong? I seem to ask myself that very question more and more frequently as I age. I'm the sort of person who goes whole hog - all in. I have not been very bashful about expressing opinions and depending on the topic, I may hold tight to that opinion well past the useful shelf life of the position I have taken. Why? Because if you reverse your opinion then you are admitting defeat. Right? Well apparently not. Those very crisp lines of right and wrong blur a little - become more grey - as time goes on. This is one of those times.
I am pretty good at honoring the conventional traditions around national holidays. I hang the flag, barbecue, dress in patriotic colors, and make the appropriate trips to the cemetery or the fireworks to express my national pride. Christmas is easy as long as I remember to move Jesus into the manger and thanks to my mom's stuffing recipe, I am the master of Thanksgiving. Why is it then that National Hugging Day unsettles me? Because I have been so unrelenting in my disdain of the self-proclaimed huggers in the world.
Hugging is a long time issue for me. It's not that I can't or won't hug. I can and I do. Nothing rivals the warm feelings that come from grandchildren snuggling in to say hello. Hugs from those you love enable a kind of peace to flow through your body. Condolences are usually best expressed through a warm hug to convey your support for the one left to deal with the loss. In my mind, hugs are an expression of affection and that's how they should be used.
Hugging in the not so new millennium is now perceived as an affiliation, dividing the population into huggers and non-huggers. I ask this simple question - when did a hug move from a sign of affection to a greeting? When did it become socially acceptable to lean into or draw someone you hardly know into a full body hug? What happened to hello, nice to meet you, a wave, or a handshake? I was once in a meeting with people I was meeting for the first time and seriously, no exaggeration, this is how the entry to the room happened. We were at the table, we stood and acknowledged the newcomers. They proclaim "We're huggers and we are coming in for a hug!" Oh my lord. I'd rather put a fork in my eye.
Just to humor me - consider the reverse situation in the realm of hugging affiliation. The hugging group are seated in the room. We enter, they rise and move toward the door. We stop and proclaim "We are non-huggers and will sit without the need to touch." Very harsh, but people are entitled to that preference. Individuals who are more reserved and prefer to save the hug as an expression of affection or love are now viewed as disengaged and socially maladjusted. When did something as simple as a hug become polarizing? When did it become okay to proclaim your hugging affiliation at all? And who changed the meaning of the hug?
And so it is with the looming approach of National Hugging Day, I will concede the hug to my friend because it is so important to her and she entered an appointment on my calendar to reserve the time. Once we are past the official holiday, please let me revert to my non-hugging status unless you are part of my inner circle and use the hug to show love, empathy, or support.
April 2020
We are entering our seventh week of quarantine during the pandemic. The daily news warns us to stay home, no visits from those living outside your home, when you do have to venture out - maintain a distance of 6 feet. Basically, no touching. We have not stood face-to-face with children or grandchildren in 7 weeks. Those of us who live in the northeast are longing for some warm weather so perhaps we can have extended conversations with neighbors while maintaining some social distance. We could invite family to the house to share a meal while sitting 6 feet apart from each other, but sharing stories in person. Life is fine but it is oh so different. I realize we are lucky to have electronic means to visit, but Facetime or Zoom get-togethers do not enable physical contact. I want to see my family. I want to be with my family for an extended period of time. And here it comes - I want a hug. There I said it and it comes from my very core. I look forward to the day I can hug the grands in order to say I love you and I've missed you.
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