I hope you are having fun. This is the first year in 57 years that I am not able to be with you on your birthday. Some of those 57 birthdays were quite nice. I was happy to participate in your celebration. Some years were homemade affairs. Some years we all ventured out to a nice restaurant. Some years were shared with Tom, whose birthday is three days before yours. Your birthdays almost always included a new outfit for Fall, a warmer nightgown, or a sweater that met your specifications.
This year was different. We brought flowers to you, and Andrea took great care to arrange them perfectly. She went all around your area looking for water (kind of reminiscent of Kitty searching for Dad in the snow). There was the added birthday surprise of the addition of your head stone. It seems like an odd birthday present, but the placement this week is like a gift. You have been physically gone for four months.
We miss you. I miss the talks with you. Oh sure, I still talk, but now I keep up both ends of the conversation. It's not as much fun. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what you would think, rather than hearing it directly from you. I feel you everyday. Today, I felt you all day. I think a mother/daughter bond is a wonderful thing. It is one of the most complex, difficult, wonderful, loving relationships a woman can ever experience. I am lucky that I feel you and lucky to be able to know what you would have done or would have thought. I know that you will always be with me in that way. This is however, the first birthday that I can not hug you, kiss you, make you happy, make you sad, or watch you blow out your candles.
I hope you enjoyed your day. Happy 89th Birthday. It's just a different way of celebrating. It's the way we'll have to do it going forward. We will have to make it work. And we will.
Love you Mom. Happy Birthday.
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