Golden

We had a birthday today.  A golden birthday.  I know; I know.  I didn't know what is was either until the soon to be nine year old schooled all of us on the significance of this birthday for her.  It is defined as "the day where a human being turns the same age as the date to which they were born."  There was much hype leading up to the 9 on the 9th super birthday.  Decorations were gold, the cake was gold, life for the 9 year old was painted in gold, especially for one day.  

I think it was a success.  Everyone seemed happy as they were drawn together by this little adult packed tightly into the nine year old body.  She is often the voice of reason, the one who can make sense of the ridiculous when she is not being ridiculous.  It is for these reasons that we tried to fulfill the guidelines set forth for the grandest of grand golden birthdays.  For one day we all forgot the absurdity of the days since her 8th birthday and pulled together to celebrate with love and gifts that had shifted from toys to a pottery wheel, a pasta maker, and gymnastics equipment.  A DQ ice cream cake fulfilled the ice cream obsession, while our meal was all food eaten with the hands.  We sang, we laughed, and she was very happy when she left.

A big day.  No one else knew how big of a day it was - for me.  Yes, I'm the grandmother of a wonderfully delightful 9 year old, and that is the best job I have ever had. More importantly though, this was an important anniversary for me. 20 years ago today was the day I had major surgery.  May 9, 2001 changed the way I looked at life forever.

As I exited the doctor's office after the uncertain diagnosis, I stood at the check-out desk trying to sort out everything I had just heard.  No really effective treatment, possible surgery, possible paralysis, unknown prognosis.  There was so much to comprehend and yet my main thoughts were of my family.  There was my husband, a 14 year old daughter, an 11 year old son, and an aging mother to consider.  Would they all pay attention and buy new underwear when needed?  Would my husband know to buy new winter jackets in October when they were on sale?  I found myself standing at the counter silently making "a deal" with God.  If he saw me through this and let me see my kids graduate from high school, I would work everyday to be a good person.  In retrospect, I had no right to make deals with God and it was a very flimsy argument anyway.  It was all I had.

After a month of medical wrangling, I was sent to New York City for a risky surgery with unpredictable outcomes by a world recognized neurosurgeon.  Five hours later, my husband got the news surgery had removed "as much of the tumor as possible."  A good outcome.  The coming weeks in NYC would reveal no paralysis and they were able to teach me the two steps needed to board the airplane back home.  Once we landed, I was met by an ambulance and taken to a local hospital for 7 weeks of inpatient rehab, only to be followed by a summer learning to walk again.  And only then, slowly, slowly, could I return to "normal" or the new normal, taking over two years to hit the point when I self-declared - enough.  I move forward.

Move forward - I did.  For twenty years I have tried to honor my part of the "deal."  Not a day goes by that I don't appreciate the fact that I have been given much more than I deserve.  It would appear to most people that others have much more than I, but in reality, I have everything I need.  I saw those kids graduate from high school, start their own lives, and now celebrate the lives of their own children.  Each day is a challenge, a blessing, and a triumph. I have experienced love each day of those twenty years.   I am lucky to share this date with the golden diva, and am happy to celebrate this day as fully her day only.  I have the quiet memory of the importance of the day 20 years ago and how the outcome has helped to shape the importance of participating in this golden May 9th.  

It was a golden day in more ways than anyone knew.  

Golden.