Do you know those situations that unfold right in front of you - the ones you never saw coming - the ones you still don't truly understand, even years later? This is one of those stories and it happened 23 years ago. Maybe if I write it, I will gain some clarity? We'll see.
He was eight years old. A virtual hot mess living life his own way. Everything in life was about physicality or relationships. School was a social outlet only as the academics were immaterial to him. As a second grader, he was still a non-reader living with dyslexia and ADHD. The written word failed him so he relied on other life cues. He knew to surround himself with those who would hold him up and avoided those who would not serve him well. Sports and games fueled him. He was a dynamo, navigating life using a different lens to filter the lessons that would serve him so well throughout his life.
Cub scouts was one of the socially charged activities that held his interest. A little group time with other kids his age always interested him. The troop leader relied on a parent to swing into each meeting to help with the control of the 10 cubs - each of them living their own best lives at their own pace. This was my night to swing into the meeting. We arrived to find the group starting to work on a fire safety badge. They would begin with some basic fire safety tips outlined in their cub scout manual. The leader thought it was a great idea to go around the table and have each boy read a paragraph or two to start the discussion. Wuh-oh! How would he deal with this? He was seated several boys away from me but would be one of the last to read. As the other boys read, my mind was racing. Do I start to read for him when it was his turn? Do I pass the leader a note asking that she skip him? I watch him and he seems unfazed. The progression of fire safety tips continues, although I couldn't tell you what they read. I was quietly panicking for him. How was this going to unfold?
Finally, the boy next to him was reading. I am waiting for a clue, anything! There is nothing; he sits supposedly "reading" along. The boy next to him stops. I watch and wait. What do you want me to do? Give me a clue - a look - something!! A few seconds pass and then it happens. The boy on the other side of him, Keith, starts to read as if it was his turn. No hesitation, no looks or signs exchanged, no indication that anything out of the ordinary was happening. Keith reads several paragraphs and then passes the torch to the next boy. All fire safety tips are read aloud and they move to the hands-on portion of the badge and he gladly participates. They are all just little boys practicing how not to set a forest fire.
I watch him and Keith for the remainder of the meeting. There is a familiarity, a camaraderie of sorts, but not a closeness that will be shared with many of his friends over the years. They are clearly comfortable around each other, but do not seek each other's company or help. And yet, the fire safety tips required help and it was received. Keith covered for him that night. How many other times had Keith covered for him? Had others covered for him?
Keith and he proceeded through school together, all the way through senior year. They shared classes occasionally, they shared interest in hockey and sometimes shared a team. They also shared friends who rotated within the many circles of friends that overlapped for both boys. They were never close friends. They shared interests, shared friends, and shared a love of life. He held a respect for Keith as a good guy and as a kind person.
In senior year they were on the same hockey team. Both loved and excelled at the sport. As we sat with Keith's parents after one of the games, I told his mom the story of the fire safety cub scout meeting. She listened intently, gazed off to think it through, and then said that none of it surprised her. She said Keith always liked him and she often wondered why they weren't closer, but she had no idea that her son had helped him that day and who knows how many other times he helped him. She watched the two boys, now in the arcade area, and just pondered the boys they had been and the men they would become. She looked back at me, shook her head, and just smiled.
It is all sort of anti-climatic. I know. There is no deep meaning to cub scout fire safety readings, but as always, writing this helped me to better understand. His life has, indeed, been built upon those who held him up. His friendships are endless, even as he navigates manhood. He holds them up; they hold him up. We will never know how many Keith's have come in and out of his life. We know he is a better person because of them and his ability to find those true to the values he holds dear. We could all learn by applying his life filters. The written word eventually became less foreign, but he can now add that skill to the many other tools he used to get through those early years.
And Keith will always have a small corner of my heart.
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