Life Storage

Chapter One 

Self-storage complexes have popped up all over our area with what appears to be a surge in popularity in the post-pandemic period.  I haven't spent a lot of time to consider the surge but know that I now pass most of these facilities without much of a glance.  That is until we found ourselves regularly traveling a route used for the grandparent indoor soccer practice shuttle.  On this new route, a large sign proclaims "Life Storage."  Further investigation reveals a nicely maintained indoor self-storage facility built into an old BJ's Wholesale Club facility.  There is a good-sized drive-in entryway to be accessed only by key pad code.  

I can only imagine the rows of various-sized units on the inside of the facility as I don't possess the appropriate key card but I am struck by how the sign literally grabs me each time we pass.  The idea of anonymous people quietly passing through the entry to store, view or remove some aspect of their life is fascinating.  Oh I get it.  That is what happens at self-storage facilities, but by naming the facility "Life Storage," new life storage scenarios flood my mind each time we pass.    

As I first noticed the sign, I was visited by an image of a woman just approaching her mid-sixties.  Well-dressed, confident, and comfortable in her own skin.  She always visited her small storage unit alone. The unit was big enough only for a storage bin and a rocking chair.  She entered the facility to open the bin and took out the smallest of small piece of baby clothing and sat quietly rocking with the clothing between her hands.  Gently stroking the material with her eyes closed - just rocking.  There was a peace to her face with an occasional tear  slowly rolling down her cheek.  She occasionally looked at a grainy photo or a worn ultrasound image.   Documents were sometimes examined, a baby blanket often spread on her lap.  She would rock for half an hour and then gently return all contents to their bin.  She gently closes the door and locks it until she can return to the life she knows within her hidden life storage unit.

As she exits the facility, she leaves behind her early life until she visits again.  Her memories of the forbidden pregnancy that was denied by all but her come flooding back only when she is in her anonymous life storage unit.  It is only there where she can conjure the feelings she had of that first life growing within her.  It is only as she rocks surrounded by the earthly reminders of the life never realized, that she is able to feel the warmth and love she experienced alone.  Although she was not physically alone for those nine months, the course of her life was being decided by parents who had reputations to maintain. The joy and new life she felt growing within her - was hers alone.  The baby was to be placed for adoption and she would have limited time to touch her cheek, stroke her hair and gently place her lips on her head before she would be gone.  She had prepared herself for losing her first offspring.  She had not prepared herself for the agony of stillbirth.  She was not ready for the lifeless, pale body she held so tightly - never wanting to let go.  She was not prepared for the extreme grief as it followed the joy of new life growing. She was coaxed to let go physically, to resume her normal teenage life as if none of it had ever happened.  And so she did.  Finish high school, go to college - maintain the family name.  Until she started a her own life with a husband and a different family, the box of baby clothes was visited only occasionally in the back of her closet.  Once she was on her own, her secret, her box and the chair were placed in storage.   

And so it is within the confines of her life storage unit the memories of a first time mother, buried grief, and the possibilities of a life never to be realized in the outside world are allowed to exist.  Despite having realized a fulfilling life surrounded by family love, children, a career, and more - it is within the four walls of this small unit that she recalls her first true love and the grief that forever changed her life.