The Big Picture vs. Stuff on Your Lunch Tray

 I'll save you the old lady part of the story but imagine my delight and surprise when I realized this morning that I was working in a 20 year old notebook containing some writings from my younger days.  It was fun reading the work of a younger person in a different time and yet the topics all still ring true today.

This particular passage made me a little sad as I so miss these conversations.  I was talking to a then 12 year old son, who, to the average observer, was a crazy poster child for ADHD.  It was only in the quiet of particular moments we would have long conversations typically revealing his understanding of social situations and his keen ability to read people.  These conversations are fewer these days and I miss that.  These snippets speak to the thoughts of a not so average 12 year old.

3/4/03

M: Where's your agenda/planner?

D: Oh my God. You're going to kill me.

M: Why?

D: I threw the planner out w my stuff on the lunch tray.

M: Why?

D: Forgot it was there.

M: You couldn't go back and get it once you knew it was gone?

D: Mom, we're talking lunch garbage.  I wasn't going back for it.

M:  What now?

D:  We wing it.

I think that's what we were doing any way.

When we sit down to relax for the evening the next topic of conversation is revealed.

D: People are so afraid to die.  I'm not.

M: Why do you think they are afraid?

D: Because they're afraid of what they don't know.  They don't know what's on the other side of death so they are afraid.

M:  Then why aren't you afraid?

D:  I don't think I care about what's on the other side.  I'll be dead and besides dying is like going to the bathroom.  Everyone has to do it.  I'd be more afraid of being the one left behind.

M: Why?

D; Cuz you are still alive and you know that loneliness hurts the worst.

M:  Do you think that is why people are afraid to die also?  Maybe they're afraid of the pain of dying.

D: Yeah, but they had more pain in their lives than they do in dying.  They just don't think it through.

There's a pause in the action, then - the next topic.

D:  People shouldn't confuse discrimination and prejudice.

M:  How do you figure?

D:  Discrimination can be a good thing.

M: How?

D:  It's okay to discriminate between a red folder and a blue folder as long as you don't decide you hate all red folders for no reason.

M:  Hhmm...good point.

At the time I wrote the lesson of the day was " Maybe the stuff on your lunch tray isn't important even when your planner for the year is tossed out.  It really does seem insignificant when there are much larger issues to consider.

My take-away as I read it 20 years after written?  Always allow time for the moments to connect with the kids while you have them.  You can't manufacture those moments and they don't last for a very long time.  Be open and be ready to appreciate the 12 year old heart and mind.