Wintergiving

 Wintergiving is an altogether contrived holiday we have celebrated in our house for many years.  It is important to document the activity now, as we have just celebrated our very last Wintergiving ever.  EVER.  I know this a harsh position as I am firm believer in never saying never, but I am an equally firm believer there will never be another Wintergiving in this house.  The hope here is to document its existence and then to move on so as not to give it any more thought.

I wish I could say this family holiday was driven by our desire to spend time together as a family.  But no.  That has become increasingly evident - not the case.  This holiday was driven by our love of the real Thanksgiving dinner and huge cravings for Grandma Margaret's turkey stuffing.  We started to buy two turkeys at Thanksgiving, while they were super cheap.  The second turkey was always saved until deep into the winter and the meal included all of the elements of the real thing.  A nice hearty meal helped to signify the end of winter.  In actuality, it evolved into an opportunity to get rid of one more "roast" sort of meat from the freezer before we move into summer eating habits.  So it was that March 5th was a success on that front; a great meal was presented and devoured.  That's the end of the good news.

Bottom line - we should have listened to the seven year old.  He railed against the concept, the word itself, and the impact on his time.  He wasn't going to come, but was forced.  He wouldn't eat any of the food as he stated "we only need one Thanksgiving and it is wrong to do it in March."  No turkey, no stuffing, nothing!  Also, through his actions he clearly demonstrated that he didn't want to spend time with any of us either.  Did we listen?  No, no we did not.

It would be nice to think that everyone learned something on Saturday, but the problem is we all need to learn different lessons.  I learned that we had already maxed out on family time during the trip to Florida three weeks prior.  I was wrong for, as Jack put it, forcing everyone together.  We are all adults, including the kids, with lives of our own. Everyone is just a little (or a lot) bat-shit crazy with our own agenda and varying degrees of a desire to interact together.  Everyone has only had to deal with life in their Covid world and we seem to have forgotten to empathize, listen, be cordial, or at least try.  Try to do anything other than promote your agenda.  We have to try to try.

Other lessons that are up for grabs:

1.  Stop judging.  Your perfect life is perfect only to you.  Consider those around you.  You can and have done better.

2.  Perfect is not always attainable.  Maybe sometimes, the seven year old sees it the most clearly, and has no problem honestly expressing his opinions.  Listen.

3.  Don't let them overpower you.  You have a lot to offer.  Believe in yourself.  I believe.

4.  Wear your hearing aids.

5.  You don't know what you don't know.  The key to learning is to listen and be open to others.  

6.  Approach life "Bird by Bird."  (thank you Anne Lamott) The answer can't be - okay I will remove myself from the full situation.  Bird by Bird.  Address the little things that can make a difference. Step-by-step.  And baby steps.

7. I still believe in the power of "thank you."  Old fashioned, but it takes but a second of your time.

8.  "The dog throws up at 6 if not fed" is not a good excuse to cut out early.  Seriously?

9.  Give of yourself to those you love.

10.  Step back, walk away, or run.  Take a breath.  Step back in and things may look entirely different.  Maybe, just maybe, it's you and not them. 

11. Fun is not generated by the people who talk the loudest always - she said to the loud family.

So, thank you for listening oh great white screen.  I think I can forget about Wintergiving now and devote my attention to good approaches to get through the big 3 - Easter (next up, may not be a sit-down event), Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Those 3 , along with "specials," are enough.  I love you all - see you on Easter.