Both Sides

 We settled in to watch a movie, "CODA," on Apple TV.  The poignant story of a child of deaf adults spoke of the struggles of realizing your own dreams as measured against the responsibility we have to our family and those we love.  Ruby's struggle revolves around gaining the confidence needed to audition for a place in the entering class of Berklee College of Music while balancing life as the only hearing member of a family whose livelihood has always depended on her ability to translate the hearing world for them. Ruby is encouraged by a teacher who doesn't understand the family dilemna Ruby faces.  They diligently prepare for the audition with the song, "Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell.

As the story unfolds, we watch as the family realizes Ruby is part of a world they have not allowed themselves to understand, as they have always used Ruby as their buffer to the hearing population.  We see the teacher better realize the obstacles Ruby has faced on her road to adulthood.  Most importantly we feel the struggle of Ruby as she has to make some tough love decisions in order to follow her dreams.  So what better song to use for the audition than the one song that has examined the dreams vs. reality of love and life for over 50 years?

As the film concluded, I was not prepared for the conversation/disagreement/conflict transpiring in my own living room.  It was triggered by this simple statement from across the room.  "I wish they had used the Judy Collins version of the song.  It is the best version."  WHAT?  I mean, WHAT? 

Our household is certainly not exempt from the everyday disagreements brought on by a home, kids, finances, weather - come on, just being together for 36 years. I'm not sure that we're supposed to be together that long - I am grateful we are here.  We can navigate the toilet paper rolling from the top or from the bottom discussions, consideration of the importance of potatoes, and controversies around keeping a 50 year old home updated. In my mind, now we have just entered sacred territory and I never even saw it coming.

I do have to reveal an obsession I have had for years regarding "Both Sides Now."  I have spent more time than I would like to admit asking Alexa to play the Judy Collins version and the Joni Mitchell version.  After each session I come away with the same conclusion - no contest - Joni Mitchell wins every single time.  I love the comparison; I suppose you could say I love the obsession.  I love the song and the versions for a number of reasons:

• The simplicity and beauty of the words.
• The examination of the human journey.
• The unending human quest for understanding different perspectives.
• The impact of aging on our ability to understand reality vs. illusions.
•  The song is an illustration of our need to see behind the clouds, although most often we cannot.
• When do we resign ourselves to be content with the realities of love and life? 

So, what about my assessment of the versions?

• The words are Joni Mitchell's words.  She wrote them, she best understands where they came from.
• It seems to me, Judy Collins sings the song, very much as a dreamer.
• Joni Mitchell has been knocked around a little more and has seen more aspects of both sides.
• Joni feels it more than Judy.
• And who can forget Emma Thompson standing, very much alone, in the middle of her bedroom, fighting off tears as she has just been slapped in the face with the realities or life and love with Joni Mitchell singing in the background?  Hhmmm? 

Now we return to the spousal unit sitting, with a frightened look on his face, as he realizes he just stepped on some sort of unanticipated landmine.  I admit my reaction was rather violent.  I adamantly disagreed - made my case based on all of the arguments I have carefully crafted over the years.  I was sure I would win the argument, and in the process, a new lover of the Joni Mitchell version will be born.  After the resulting firestorm of Both Sides arguments,  guess what happened?  We agreed to disagree.  He likes what he likes - despite my years worth of obsession.  And if my fascination with the concept of dreaming and reality taught me anything, it should be that it is okay for him to be at a different place, it's okay for him to like what he likes, and it is certainly okay that he likes the "dreamers" version over the realist side. 

As Ruby and her teacher were prepping for the audition, they knew they needed a classic winner of a song to gain her admission.  They found it.  It perfectly fit Ruby's life/love struggles.  The song perfectly works for anyone wanting to examine growth, perspective, and understanding.  That's all of us. It doesn't matter which version.  I guess.  

Long live Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now!"